The End Where I Begin
by xxsindixx
Summary: I wish I had told my twin my feelings, I wish he knew. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so alone all the time, then maybe he'll stop talking about his new girlfriend. HikaruxKoaru angsty and coming out, warning its SAD


The End Where I Begin

Together at birth, together till end. That's what people normally assume when they think about twins, that's how it's supposed to be. That's how it was with Hikaru and me. Until we started high school and everything changed, our world - my world - came crashing down around me. Everything was flawless and then Hikaru fell in love.

The night my brother told me he was in love, was the night my world came to a crashing halt. He promised me; that nothing would change, that I would always be his twin, and he would never leave me. I nodded and smiled, wondering what the ripping sensation in my chest, that hurt so much, was. We had never let anyone get in between us. But this, this had never happened before to us. This was uncharted territory.

'Come on, Koaru. It'll be fine, nothing will change. I promise,' Hikaru had said to me.

If I had known then that things would end up the way they did, I would have told my twin right there and then about my feelings for him. But I was young and naive, I still hadn't even admitted it to myself let alone him.

Then things started changing, becoming different and I was left behind to fend for myself. At first it was subtle changes; Hikaru wouldn't wait for me outside my classes anymore, he wouldn't walk home with me anymore, he would bring his new girlfriend, Haruhi, to lunch and they would spend it chatting to each other. Hikaru incessantly talked about his girlfriend and nothing else to me, even when we were alone. I was confused as to how to deal with the situation and with no one to talk to I resorted to smiling, a sad, lonely smile, that no one saw through.

Hikaru and Haruhi kept dating, even into our first year of university. At this point I had realized my true feelings for my twin. I loved him, more than just a brother. It repulsed me to see him with Haruhi or anyone who wasn't me. I saw no point in telling my brother about my feelings; he would never acknowledge them as true. Besides what good would it do? Being gay was not socially acceptable especially if it's your own twin. I sought comfort in whoever would give it, regardless of the price whether it was my body or just my attention.

I don't know what sparked it, I still don't but I snapped.

'And then Haruhi-'

'I love you,' I interrupted softly.

He stopped abruptly, stunned.

'Hey, I love you too, little bro,' He answered, smiling.

I shook my head at him, 'No, I'm in love with you,'

Hikaru laughed and rustled my hair, 'If that's how you want to put it.'

'Hikaru,' my brother went silent at my serious tone, 'I've been in love with you for six years.'

Hikaru's mouth went slack, he gawked at me. I saw no disgust or repulsion in his eyes just confusion, stunned confusion.

'Wait, what? You're not serious. Why didn't you tell me? Six years, and you kept this from me?'

I cringed as he shouted at me, 'It was better that way. You have her, that girl.'

'You have me.' He snapped.

I sighed, 'I haven't seen my twin in six years.'

'What are you talking about? I'm right here.'

'That's the thing, I don't know you, this person my twin became.'

Hikaru shook his head, 'Kaoru, what are you going on about?'

'I can't do this anymore. I can't love you from the side-lines anymore, Hika. I just can't do it.'

Hikaru looked defeated, 'But Haruhi.'

That's all it took, those two words snapped my heart clear in half and destroyed it till there was none left. 'He chose her,' those were the words going through my head as I left my former twin.

'Please stand behind the line, the train will be approaching shortly,' the loudspeaker blared. I stood up, switching my rucksack to my other shoulder as I approached the slowing train. I crossed the threshold and sighed. This was it, this was the end. The end where I begin.

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><p><strong>AN**

**Inspired by 'The End Where I begin' by The Script**

**I actually handed this in as a narrative essay in my English class, got a high mark too. XD**


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